my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
