38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
