My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
