I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
