Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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