need another drink. this is the easiest way
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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