"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
