as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
