he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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