We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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