remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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