we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
