Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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