we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
That accounts for only three of the penises
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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