Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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