One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
