I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
