He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
