it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
