if i can run in heels then i can drive
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
