I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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