apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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