i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
