I think scott just propositioned me for sex
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
