There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
