Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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