I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
