I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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