He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
