Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
