So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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