I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
