you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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