I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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