things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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