Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.

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(678): View more from Georgia

so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.

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(813): View more from Florida

His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......

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(731): View more from Tennessee

He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....

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(619): View more from California

It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!

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(256): View more from Alabama

His nipple licking is glorious

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