I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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