I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
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Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
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we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night