He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
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While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
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I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.