bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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