Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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