New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.