My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Acid is not a monday night drug
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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