The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed