I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
