Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
