do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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