there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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