All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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