Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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