I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
