nut hugger
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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