We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
