At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
