Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
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If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
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I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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