Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
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is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
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As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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