i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
