like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
This baby is an asshole
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize
