i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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