i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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