I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
