I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
