You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
