It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
