Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
