I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
