mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
