you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
