im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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