Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
