Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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