I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
