he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
