I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
