dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
