Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Randomize
