i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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